Sunday, January 29th, 2012
Birth, Loss and In BetweenBy Sabina Khan-Ibarra![]() Since I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a mother. Throughout my adult life, it was the moment I most anticipated. When I finally fell pregnant, it was a surprise, one my husband and I welcomed. © 2012 – 2013, Sabina Khan-Ibarra. All rights reserved. More Great Stuff You'll Love:
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Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can’t imagine what you experienced, but you convey it in a moving, brave way.
Your son will always be your son, even if he’s not physically here on this earth. He was a person, with a name and identity and you can always keep that name and identity of his alive with you.
I agree–Ibrahim and your experiences with him will ALWAYS be with you, and NOTHING, not even the birth of another baby will take that away from you. The pain will remain but lessen over time, only to come back when something triggers a particular memory. People, culture aside, have difficulty dealing with loss. The wedding story well illustrates how she had no idea what to say to you. She probably felt pity, but didn’t know how to express that. If it was a Pakistani wedding…I wonder if it was because they aren’t always open about things like that. For example, people in Afghan/Desi cultures don’t tell people they are pregnant. They tend to keep it quiet from anyone outside of the family until you read on facebook that they all the sudden have a baby. It really surprised me when I saw this happening but I understand where the tradition came from.
I’m excited to see your second son grow. You will be the most loving and caring mother possible–this I know. You will tell him about his brother, and keep his memory alive because that memory will always be alive within you and your husband. I wish you nothing but happiness and joy.
hi hun, im so sorry for your loss and i am glad you joined our group and i really hope you can find some comfort with us xxxxx
https://www.facebook.com/groups/275860412443367/292303517465723/?notif_t=group_activity
. This is a bereavement group for parents who have lost angel babies, babies born sleeping, infant loss, sids, or any loss of a child. So please feel free to add yourself if you need any kind of support xxxxx
Dear Sabina,
This was such a sad story. No Mother should have to feel the pain you have experienced. I pray for your new baby and hope all goes well. I would not deny that you had a baby before, as he was such a big part of your life. I would just say that you lost an infant shortly after birth and are now looking forward to a new child.
Best wishes
Thank you for sharing your soul. I remember meeting you when you were pregnant with your son. And I remember Aimee’s sadness when he passed away so young. No one should have to experience tragedies of the likes, but such is life, for reasons unknown to me. Rejoice in the joy that life offers. My best thoughts for your second child and a smooth delivery.
So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so sorry to read that you, and your husband, and your families, and even little baby had to go through this. I went through something similar, and returning home is to experience an empty nest of a horrific sort. Thanks for writing this.
[…] Birth, Loss and In Between, InCulture Parent — A heartbreaking piece about dealing with losing a baby. […]
Thank you for sharing your story with us Sabina Jani. I am currently pregnant with my first child and I can’t even imagine the depths of your heart break. Your mom is right, God loves you and your son even more. God did not want him to suffer further on this world, that is why he was taken to heaven so early, where he will be waiting for you. I am sure he has made you and your husband more beautiful and stronger than ever. I will remember you all in my prayers inshallah.
Inna elahi wa inna elahi rajeoun. To Allah do we belong and to him do we return.
I’m happy you have found peace and insha’allah you will continue to feel so with the second child.
Thank you for sharing your story, truly touching.
Allah pa man.
Maryam
*HUGS*
I have a nephew who would have turned 10 last month, but only live for 30 hours. He was also my sister’s first child, & the first grandchild for my parents. We always count him among the cousins. Every year on his birthday, Memorial Day, & Christmas, the family goes to the cemetery so his younger brother & sisters can remember him. At Christmas, there is always a present in his memory of a book for his siblings, and a new ornament for the tree for each of them. I don’t know anything about Pashtun culture, but if there is a similar present-giving annual holiday, your new child may enjoy something similar.
Thank you for sharing your story, I have a very similar one. I lost my second child, a baby girl last April.
Thanks for sharing your story. I can completely relate to that feeling having lost my daughter and now that I’m expecting another child, ironically around the same birthday as my daughter, I hesitate to share with individuals if this pregnancy is my third or second.
Our babies will always be a part of us!
[…] Khan-Ibarra is a freelance writer and editor, and her most recent work, Birth, Loss and In-Between appeared in the online magazine, In Culture Parent. Sabina regularly contributes to her blog, […]
I am so very sorry for your loss which you have shared so beautifully here. Wishing you and your family peace as you remember your firstborn and welcome your second.
[…] Sabina Khan-Ibarra […]
[…] Sabina Khan-Ibarra […]
Your story moved me because it was as if I was reading about myself. I too lost my daughter 2 weeks after she was born because of a heart defect. I never even got to hold her. Seeing pregnant mothers, mothers with newborns, mothers with babies, mothers with toddlers would all make me cry. A year later I got pregnant with my second daughter, who is 1.5 now. Holding her little, healthy body was something that helped me get over the hurt of losing her sister. It has gotten easier but there are moments when I look at her and cry because I now know how much her sister missed. It’s a wound that will never completely heal.
[…] more from Sabina: Finding My Spirituality ; Birth, Loss & In Between, and Raising a Confident Muslim Child in […]
[…] more from Sabina: Paths To My Heart, Finding My Spirituality ; Birth, Loss & In Between, and Raising a Confident Muslim Child in […]
Dear writer, i too lost my child, and to have read your article has brought me a comfort that only we mothers of babes lost can really comprehend. Each story is unique, mine was at 5 months when the doctors discovered her problems, i elected to end the pregnancy and had an excrusciating birth, after i held her warm body so sweet and small, lifeless but perfect. I too had months of grief, shortly after i also lost my father, perhaps in thier pairing i was comforted to know that they could knlw each other, in some dream of an alternate world for these two souls. I try to remember her, Piera as my child, and now with a healthy child i feel so blessed to be a mother. Thank you for sharing
[…] Sabina Khan-Ibarra […]