Pin It
Sunday, February 26th, 2012

Celebrating a Holiday You Probably Haven’t Heard Of

By

Despite volumes of parenting advice and research, which seem to have multiplied over the past generation and get revised annually, when it comes to the day-to-day labor of love of raising our children, most parents do what their parents and parents’ parents did before: go with our gut. In other words, we make a lot of it up as we go along.

Depending on our life circumstances and cultural milieu, we invent different things. Some parents get creative with nutrition or finances; others make up educational curriculum, family mythology, sleepover rules or what constitutes the grounds for punishment and discipline. I have made up how we celebrate a holiday tradition.

I belong to a faith with virtually no rituals, and holidays almost no one around me has heard of. As a Baha’i, we avoid rituals but we do worship God, have sacred writings and prayers, a rich history, a worldwide community, laws (like getting the consent of living parents before marriage), and guidelines for daily living (like personal daily prayer and meditation, the prohibition of backbiting, a very high priority on gender and racial equality, education, and avoidance of all mind-altering substances like drugs and alcohol). The idea is that realizing wider and wider circles of unity among members of the human family amid a process of personal spiritual transformation helps to build a world that will one day realize peace and justice, contributing to an ever advancing civilization.

Without rituals my faith felt unencumbered. But after I became a mother, I felt particularly challenged during the Baha’i holiday, Ayyam-i-Ha, celebrated each year from February 25 to March 1, when in the dead of winter, I strove to carve out a meaningful tradition from a ritual-free holiday that sounds like a motorcycle brand. In principle it’s not about replacing Christmas, but in reality I did seek to offer a fun! exciting! highly anticipated! alternative.

During Ayyam-i-Ha (translated as “Days of Joy” or “Days outside of time”) Baha’is and friends perform acts of charity, give gifts to friends and family and attend social gatherings, before a period of fasting begins. Some think of it as parallel to Fat Tuesday before Lent. Baha’u’llah, the prophet-founder of the Baha’i Faith, about a century and a half ago, said of Ayyam-i-Ha: “It behoveth the people of Baha, throughout these days, to provide good cheer for themselves, their kindred and, beyond them, the poor and needy, and with joy and exultation to hail and glorify their Lord, to sing His praise and magnify His Name.” The rest is left wide open. No mention of lights or fireworks or dragons or trees or candles or unleavened bread or money. No particular colors, specific decorations, foods, or ceremonies associated with this season.

More recently, I’ve felt reinforced in my attempts to create traditions through supportive blogs and Facebook groups, where Baha’i parents from around the world have begun sharing widely their own family traditions: Advent-type calendars counting down to Ayyam-i-Ha, gingerbread houses in the shape of a nine-sided Baha’i House of Worship (there is one Baha’i House of Worship on each continent, each with nine sides and nine entrances, symbolizing a welcoming of all faiths and peoples into its doors).

Thanks to this new phenomenon of online support, I feel less isolated preparing my made-up traditions—even forums among Jewish moms or adoptive parents have sparked ideas. I also have noticed in the past 10 or so years that with the wider acceptance and celebration of holidays like Diwali and the Lunar (Chinese) New Year in mainstream America, I am more confident explaining Ayyam-i-Ha to friends, neighbors and teachers who had never heard of it before, and they can more readily get their heads around an unfamiliar holiday.

Larger societal trends also help me feel less alone. According to the landmark Pew U.S. Religious Landscape Survey, fully 37 percent of marriages are between interfaith couples, and 44 percent of Americans switch faith affiliations in their lifetimes. About 15 percent of new marriages in 2010 were between couples of different races or ethnicities. These are unprecedented numbers, reflecting a merging, mixing and openness to new ideas and lifestyles never before seen in the U.S. or likely anywhere in the world.

As a result, many types of families are creating new traditions. The more parents I talk to, I realize that very few feel like everyone else, or know exactly what they’re doing to raise the kind of people they hope their children will become. We might not feel “normal” because the target for normal changes constantly. We’ve all been different, just as we are all making up so much of what it means to be a parent in our seismically shifting world. But once we start talking to each other, we realize that we share many of the same values and aspirations for our world and children.

So, as I get my Ayyam-i-Ha crafts and dozens of cupcakes ready and our teacher gifts assembled, just as all my neighbors have finally put away the last vestiges of their decorations spanning a party season from Halloween to Valentine’s Day, I take comfort that I can offer a burst of sunshine amid the winter doldrums. I am joined in “being different” by millions of others, who all feel different for one reason or another. They might celebrate Hanukkah, King’s Day or nothing at all, and they might be straining to understand their mother-in-law’s English, or their children’s new religion, or the ceremony at their brother’s wedding, and thanks to our shared differentness we can connect, create community and celebrate. Happy Ayyam-i-Ha!

© 2012 – 2013, Homa Sabet Tavangar. All rights reserved.

More Great Stuff You'll Love:


Why Your Kids Don’t Need Sunscreen

Lessons in parenting from the Côte d'Azur

Breastfeeding Around the World

In photos and figures

Is Raising Bilingual Children Worth the Costs?

Fancy schools, international vacations, foreign language books, DVDs and tutors add up fast

The West's Strange Relationship to Babies and Sleep

How the West sleeps is different from the rest

ABOUT THE AUTHOR


Homa Sabet Tavangar is the author of Growing Up Global: Raising Children to Be At Home in the World (Random House/Ballantine Books), named a “Best New Parenting Book.”

Leave us a comment!

9 Comments
  1. CommentsLakeMom   |  Monday, 27 February 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Thank you for this very informative piece. My son shared with us last week that he is considering becoming Bahá’í. I will read this with him. Beautifully written.

  2. CommentsDelaram Adyani   |  Monday, 27 February 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Very nice and informative article. Touched my heart! Thanks Homa Sabet- Tavangar. Love, Delaram

  3. CommentsDiana Carson   |  Tuesday, 28 February 2012 at 6:31 am

    My husband and I enjoyed the article and wanted you to know. Well done. . . :)

  4. Commentsstephanie   |  Tuesday, 28 February 2012 at 9:30 pm

    well done, thank you for sharing!

  5. CommentsKurt Hein   |  Wednesday, 29 February 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Very nicely written explanation. Thannk you!

  6. CommentsCarol Butler   |  Thursday, 01 March 2012 at 4:02 am

    What a beautiful article, Homa! How I wish I could go back in time to celebrate Ayyam’i-Ha with my own children and to create traditions that are uniquely theirs for this special time of year. Instead, I try to make it special for my Baha’i community. This year sixty 2×2 plastic bag with silver foil label reading “Happy Ayyam’i-Ha” on one side and a beautiful quote on the other was filled with peanuts, raisins and chocolate chips as a gift from the heart.

  7. CommentsLara Chho   |  Thursday, 01 March 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I absolutely love your writing in this article. So much sums up my own feelings as a mom… This year we’ve all been crazy busy, but somehow managed to fit in a couple celebratory gatherings with friends. It’s interesting timing that our daughter’s birthday is also the first day of the Fast (today!!) so we’ve been celebrating it at the end of Ayyam’i ha along with the 19 day Feast :)

  8. CommentsHoma Sabet Tavangar @growingupglobal   |  Friday, 02 March 2012 at 6:34 am

    Thanks all for these supportive comments. It means so much to share something that makes us feel different then hear so many voices chime in with support and shared experiences.

  9. CommentsInCultureParent | Ayyam-i-Ha: February 26-March 1   |  Tuesday, 26 February 2013 at 9:52 pm

    [...] Ayyam-i-Ha (also called Intercalary Days) is a period of hospitality, charity and gift-giving for Baha’is that is celebrated from February 26 to March 1. This is a festive time where people give gifts–mainly to children, have parties and focus on charity. Baha’u'llah, the founder of the Baha’i faith, said of Ayyam-i-Ha, “It behoveth the people of Baha, throughout these days, to provide good cheer for themselves, their kindred and, beyond them, the poor and needy, and with joy and exultation to hail and glorify their Lord, to sing His praise and magnify His Name.” [...]









Notify me of follow-up comments via e-mail.
Or leave your email address and click here to receive email notifications of new comments without leaving a comment yourself.

Get weekly updates right in your inbox so you don't miss out!



10 Multicultural Children’s Books that Make Adults Cry

We dare you to read these without a tear

Why This Mom Banned the Word ‘Weird’ From Her Kids' Vocabulary

One approach to explaining diversity to kids.

French versus Italian Parenting in One Multicultural Family

How one mom in an intercultural marriage sees the differences between Italian and French parenting

The Cultural Battleground of Sleepovers

Should they be allowed because it's "normal?" Think again.

Are Parents Too Overprotective in the West and Too Lax in the East?

Would you pick up a stranger's child or is that invasive?

Does Religion Matter? Juggling Two Faiths in One Family

What's the best way to transmit the values we care about to our kids?

Amazing Portraits of Biracial Kids

Smarter, larger, better, healthier and more beautiful? A project that debunks stereotypes.

Dear White Officer, Please Don't Shoot

At what age does my darling black son begin to look like a threat to the world?

A Book that Celebrates Cross-Cultural Friendship

A great pick for back to school season
I am shocked by how much I love being a nanny! I never expected to love this job or look forward to going to work each Monday morning. Yes, it is hard work - hard physical work as well as tapping ...
From What Sucks about Being a Nanny
[…] What is Home for My Adopted Son? by Julie Corby for InCultureParent […...
From What is Home for My Adopted Son?
.lol, as a child of a Chinese father and white Canadian mother I find your blogs funny, yet familiar. I married a Chinese Canadian woman (yes, I'm a guy) and I can appreciate the wonderful blessin...
From How I Reclaimed My House from My Mother-in-Law
Beautifully written! I'm in a multi-cultural marriage (I'm American, husband is Italian) but I'm also from a multicultural family. In my marriage I've often worried about how I will deal with things...
From Raising a Hijab-Wearing Daughter in a World that Doesn’t Understand
I'm American and my husband is from the south of Italy. My personal experience is exactly like your personal experience. From what I've seen, many children are absolutely terrified of their fathers ...
From French versus Italian Parenting in One Multicultural Family
Thank you! Ok you will be anonymou...
From Autism and Multilingualism: A Parent’s Perspective
I read the article and yes it is interesting and I identify with Julia, my parent did the exact same thing in speaking their mother tongue with us, I was a trilingual child and now I just finished l...
From Raising Trilingual Children? An Interview Not to Miss!
Hi, of course you can share my story, but no photos please. I enjoy the anonymity. You can get in touch with me if you need a chat or any more information. All the bes...
From Autism and Multilingualism: A Parent’s Perspective
Although the article has bitter and somewhat aggressive tone, I understand Turkish expressions like "I'll eat you" may come across as literal and odd to someone who isn't touch feely. It's affection...
From Don’t Spank My Baby! Cross-Cultural Differences in Love and Affection

More Tradition and Parenting