|
Friday, September 28th, 2012
The International Adoption Experience: Living in the Great UnknownBy Michelle Seitzer International Adoption/ flickr Creative Commons-meddygarnetI’m a compulsive list maker, and I write (full-time) for a living. Deadlines and “to dos” are always with me. The pressure of an approaching deadline can be stressful, but when that blog post, research project or magazine article is delivered, the relief is a beautiful thing.
The international adoption process though? It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Since we started the journey last fall, there have been numerous deadlines and “to dos” that have kept us focused, forging ahead, even frenetic at times. But I was familiar with deadlines and deliverables and daunting to do lists. The fast-paced collection and compilation of data and documents, followed by a thorough double- and triple-checking before presentation and a satisfying strike off the list, was business as usual.
Now, with our dossier (legal documents and official application) submitted, approved, signed, sealed and delivered to Bulgaria, there is nothing to do but wait. No more deadlines. No more tasks.
This is unfamiliar territory.
We’ve waited before—waited for our home study to be completed, for our immigration approval, for FBI clearances—but a new deadline or thing to do always distracted us while we waited. Waiting for that phone call or email delivering the news of our referral (a match with a child) is all that is required of us right now.
It’s not easy, especially when people ask (sometimes with a hint of skepticism in their voices), “Is anything happening with the adoption?” All we can say is yes and no. No, we don’t have anything to report, but across the sea in Bulgaria, yes, our information is sitting on someone’s desk, or being translated or being sent to the agency worker who is handling our case.
Here in Pennsylvania, I’m learning to live with the “Great Unknown.” Who our child will be. What he or she will be like. What parenting will be like. How we will all adjust to becoming a family, and a multicultural one at that. How others will respond to our multicultural family when we’re out in public. How we will understand our child before English becomes his or her first language.
Books and blogs, conversations with veteran adoptive parents, training modules and seminars have well prepared us for all these challenges. But none of them have been 100% specific to our child, our family, our experience.
Yet I’m learning to live in the present, without a deadline, with the “Great Unknown” and a giant looming question mark over the calendar. What I do know is that sometime in the hopefully not too distant future, we will have a new country to visit, a destination that will be tremendously significant to us for the rest of our lives. We know we will have a room to prepare. We know there will be sleepless nights and tantrums and flus, maybe even hospital visits. We know there will be people who will stare at our child, or ask us “where from?”
But most of all, at the end of the waiting, uncertainty and unknowns, we will have a child. A child to take to the zoo, the library, the beach, Grandma’s house. A child to go school supply shopping for (something I’m especially looking forward to). A child to honor and celebrate Bulgarian (and American, Norwegian, Italian, German, French, Irish, and Pennsylvania Dutch) traditions with. A child to learn from, laugh with, and love. © 2012 – 2013, Michelle Seitzer. All rights reserved. More Great Stuff You'll Love:
|
 Why Your Bilingual Child Objects When You Switch LanguagesThere's more to it than you think Best Asian-American Children’s BooksCelebrate Asian-American heritage month with our top book picks Best Curried Red Lentil Soup RecipeYour new go-to soup recipe "Mom I Think I'm Gay:" Are You as Prepared as You Think?7 tips to make sure you don't blow it How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8Why colorblind is all wrong and a guide to what's right Ask a LinguistI only have rudimentary fluency. Will that do my child any good? Mother's Around the WorldOur way of celebrating you! Fashion in the Arab WorldWhy I love the abaya Why African Babies Don't CryHere's the secret Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis KhanColleague drank your breast milk from the work fridge again? Tales of breastfeeding in Mongolia Circumcision WarsShe fought her Turkish in-laws on it--did she succeed? Ten Reasons Parents Should Read Multicultural Books to KidsWhy it's critical all parents read books that reflect diversity Family HistoryWho knew that becoming a mother merged our histories of loss and grief 10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Multilingual ChildrenHave you been guilty of any of these? Is Raising Bilingual Children Worth the Costs?Fancy schools, international vacations, foreign language books, DVDs and tutors add up fast Birth, Loss and In BetweenLife after devastation Almost African: My Childhood as a Serbo-Croatian in SudanThe freedom of growing up as the only Serbo-Croatian in SudanHi Sweetheart,
I hope you get these comments. I rarely have time to read these delicous descriptions I enjoy so much and find so meaningful, maybe it could be a book? Anyway thank you for writing... From Homeschooling in Myanmar: Visiting Bagan I am so excited to try this! My kids love lentils (they call them baby beans) and I am always looking for more recipes.... From Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe How many people does this recipe serve? Do you know when the earliest record of people making dal i... From Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe Hello All
I am Australian and have travelled to quite a few countries and loved the cultures and experiences of every one....except Germany and, in particular, Berlin. We stayed there for two day... From Are Germans Really Rude? Wonderful article! We are all different races and colors in our house, with varying curliness- I loved your suggestions:... From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8 Great tips, and great book recommendations! Another title that we like is Shades of People (http://bit.ly/16AflfQ).
Also, a great leaning activity for us (white parents + Black son) was getting ... From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8 Only in the US. why make sth simple so complicate... From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8 [...] and not just the books that tell stories around racism, though those are important too. It is essential that your child sees characters of all races in “every day” books, experiencing rel... From Ten Reasons Parents Should Read Multicultural Books to Kids As a mother of a multiracial child I really enjoyed reading this guest post. I have already made a list of the books she suggested, and I'd like to add a few more that we personally own: Whoever Yo... From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8 |
SUBSCRIBE
FOLLOW US!
Copyright © 2010-present InCultureParent LLC - stephanie@incultureparent.com
website by wicked clever designs
website by wicked clever designs
I always enjoy your writing, Michelle!
Wonderfully said and this is a great way to keep everyone updated.
[...] http://www.incultureparent.com/2012/09/the-international-adoption-experience-living-in-the-great-unk… [...]
Thanks for reading and for those nice compliments, Arlene and Christa!
We are also in the waiting period of an International adoption (from China), and I am also a writer (although much less so after 2 kids) so I share your feelings exactly!
Oh, I know this feeling! Was there until just a year ago when we received our referral for our son. Now, we’re finally preparing to travel on Tuesday to meet him. The wait before and the wait after are both their own special difficulty, I wish you well during this time.
Beautifully written. I can’t imagine how that wait must feel – hoping you get the news with your match soon and you can start planning that very important trip.
Emily, so good to know that there are others who can relate on both points (the waiting and the writing)! Best to you in your waiting.
Heather, I got the goose bumps just reading your comment. I’m so glad to hear you’re finally traveling to meet him! Yes, I imagine both waits will be difficult in their own unique ways. Thanks for your well wishes; all the best to you in your travels and the homecoming of your son!
Mud Hut Mama, thank you for your compliment and for your encouragement. I hope for the same!
Great article! Yes, the waiting is very difficult! I know you said you have prepared yourselves yet realize you can never fully prepare. This is true! We were in for many surprises our first year (especially with how incredibly challenging it can be if your child has attachment issues). One of my favorite books on adoption parenting is “Keys to parenting an adopted child” http://nineyearpregnancy.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/year-for-year/.
Blessings,
Delana
Hi Delana,
Sorry for my delay in responding to your comment.
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it and it’s always heartening to hear from others who understand exactly how difficult the waiting truly is. I appreciate you sharing this book recommendation, and thanks too for your honesty about the surprises and challenges of the 1st year. We anticipate that may be true for us, but we’re also trying to embrace this mantra too: “Don’t think so much about the things that could go wrong, but think instead of the things that could go right.” I’m paraphrasing that to be sure, but it’s a good thing to bear in mind. I also like this line from a Tom Petty song: “Most things I worry about never happen anyway.”
I will definitely check out that book. Thanks again for your comment!
Best,
Michelle
[...] new foods from around the world, the real reason for our fascination with Bulgaria is that we’re in the process of adopting from the Koshar’s homeland. And now, with a year’s plus of training, paperwork and waiting [...]