Adventures in Multicultural Living

Thursday, May 2nd, 2013

Preparing our Children for Racism — Part 1

By

Preparing our Children for Racism — Part 1
Part 1: Laying the Groundwork   I always knew that this day would come and have been preparing my children for it since they were two or three. I read books and articles, hoping to put it off as long as possible. I secretly gave them tools to fight with, without actually telling them what the fight was all about. I did not want to taint their innocence, but I knew they had to be ready.   Still, I was unprepared for how sad I would feel when my kindergartener told me about her first brush with a racist slur.  Read more »

The Election of President Obama and Whether My Asian American Kids Could Really Be President

My parents always emphasized that although I was ethnically Chinese, my citizenship was American because I was born in America, “You can even be president someday—unlike us—because you are a natural-born citizen.  Read more »

Creating Our Own Thanksgiving Asian-American Style

My mother is one of the world’s greatest cooks. She never reads any cookbooks, and her dishes are never fancy or complicated.  Read more »

What do you mean you don’t vote?

We came up over the rise as the highway curved and my breath caught in my throat.  Read more »

A Taste of Summer at the Japanese-American Obon Festival

My daughter Hao Hao and I were at an outdoor music festival when she first spied the little girl. About 3 years old, in a pink Hello Kitty dress, and one long brown curly ponytail, the little girl was dancing and twirling and hopping and flopping along with the music in front of the stage. “Awww, so cute.” “That was you, not too long ago.” (Then the little girl tried to climb onto the stage for her adoring fans, “That was definitely you.  Read more »

Why the Diane Tran Happy Ending Bothers Me

Last month, eight graduating seniors surnamed Nguyen (pronounced Win) from Presentation High School in San Jose, California (my alma mater) tickled the Asian-American blogosphere by combining their senior quotes in the high school yearbook. One or two words under each photo created their “Nguyen-ing” “We know what you’re thinking and no we’re not related.  Read more »

Lessons I do not want to teach my children–about Dharun Ravi, Trayvon Martin, Shaima Alawadi

After Indian American Rutgers student Dharun Ravi was convicted of bias intimidation, I sent the very long New Yorker article about the case to my teenagers so that they can understand what kind of digital footprint they leave whenever they do anything online, and to remind them that regardless of what they might actually be doing, they need to be aware that sometimes those actions may be perceived quite differently by others, including people who do not understand technology and culture, including people with power.  Read more »

Linsanity’s Impact on My Son

I missed the first week of Linsanity because I was caught up in fighting the racist China-fear-mongering Pete Hoekstra political ad that aired during the Superbowl. I remember feeling beleaguered at the time, like we still had a looooong way to go until the elections in November, and if this was just the beginning… I was surprised to learn that the mainstream considered Jeremy Lin an unknown who had come from out of nowhere, because even though I know nothing about sports, even I knew who Jeremy Lin was (courtesy of Ryan Higa and Kev Jumba).  Read more »

Explaining History and Racism to Grandpa

Two years ago, my father’s choir at the University of Hawaii was invited to sing at a big international diversity concert at Lincoln Center in New York for Martin Luther King (MLK) Day. Choirs from around the world had been invited to sing together, and a Hawaiian choir adds instant diversity with its multicultural population of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, Portuguese, Caucasians and native Hawaiians.  Read more »

Racism in the Extended Family on the Holidays

The Sunday after Thanksgiving: The day we pack up, gratefully drive back to our own home in our own town with our own way of doing things, and are stuck in the car together for hours and have no choice but to talk to each other. It is a time to reflect on the (peculiar) people we met and the (wacky) things that happened, and it is a chance to talk to the kids about what is really important to us as a family.  Read more »

Distant Relatives versus Nearby Friends on Thanksgiving

My parents say that there is a Chinese saying (there is always a Chinese saying) about how distant relatives are not as good as nearby friends. To illustrate, they recall the time our car broke down on the winding and treacherous Pacheco Pass after midnight and how our neighbor, Mr. Shigematsu, came to rescue us and did not get home until after 2 a.  Read more »

Ode to Halloween Costumes, Plus a Warning about Bad Ones

As I child, observing the world as it was presented to me by the mainstream, I often decided to shut doors myself before anyone actually told me to. Growing up in the age of Farrah Fawcett, I knew that one had to be blond in order to be beautiful, by definition. My horseback riding friends and I knew from statistics that at 10 years old we were already too tall to ever become jockeys.  Read more »

The Unexpected Joys of Parenting Teens

“This would be a good day to rob Ann Arbor,” jokes Shi-yi as she waves to another friend she hasn’t seen all summer, “Half the town is here.” After a summer of family time, it is quite a plunge back into the cold refreshing waters of school life up here at Interlochen where the Huron, Pioneer, and Skyline bands, orchestras, and choirs are about to perform after a week of band/orchestra/choir camp.  Read more »

Rhythms of the Season

After a long trip away from home, one of the first things I always do upon our return is take all the kids to buy groceries at our favorite Chinese grocery store. I love watching them zip around, squealing as they load up our basket, “Ooooh! It’s been so long since we’ve had cong you bing!” “Xiao long bao! I want xiao long bao!” and “I haven’t seen this kind of zhu rou gan in soooooo long!” At Tsai Grocery, the kids and I all know what and where everything is.  Read more »

Celebrating Japanese Culture with the Obon Dance

We went to the Obon Dance at the Puna Hongwanji tonight. I love first walking up to the temple grounds, totally transformed by the strings of lanterns glowing in the night, the tall yagura platform calling everyone's attention to the circle.   It is always great watching the elegant old ladies from the Japanese dance schools in their matching kimonos and perfectly coifed hair lead the way, their hands so graceful, their faces so calm.  Read more »

Islam and Child Discipline: Is Hitting Ever Ok?

In the past, when I have written about Islam’s perspective on child discipline, I described it as one where gentleness is preferred according to the tradition of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the examples set during his own life.   I feel that taking the time to explain, exercising patience and making an effort to try to see things from your child’s point of view are the strategies that are most conducive to producing good behaviour and a calm child.  Read more »

Crime Without Punishment: Why the Death of Vincent Chin Resonates Today

Before I came to Michigan for graduate school, the only thing I knew about Michigan was that it was where Vincent Chin was killed. My parents’ Japanese-American neighbors warned me to sell my father’s Toyota 4Runner and buy a Ford Bronco. I asked about safety as much as I did about academics before I decided to come.   This year marks the 29th anniversary of the baseball bat beating that caused the death of Vincent Chin.  Read more »

Mother’s Day in Mandarin at the Chinese Speech Tournament

My daughter Hao Hao was once a timid child who cried at every little thing. She even got kicked out of sports camp because she dissolved into a flood of tears every time she got "out" in softball or tag. Once when she was at Leslie Science Center, she cried on a hike through the woods because she was afraid of the spider webs on the trail. Instead of giving in to her tears as the teachers and moms at Chinese School tended to do, the Leslie Science Center instructor simply handed her a butterfly net to empower her to wave away the spider webs as she marched down the trail, head and butterfly net held up high.  Read more »

Sorting through the varied hues of Easter – cultural or religious holiday?

My father and I always sang in the church and school choirs, so every year we celebrated Easter by putting on our choir robes, singing joyously at Easter sunrise mass, and then going out for a Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's. After weeks of preparation, we were happy and stuffed and done with Easter by 9 a.m.   Because I went to Catholic Schools, I always had Good Friday and the week after Easter off of school, while the public schools in California had a different week off, so I thought Easter was a straight-forward religious holiday.  Read more »

Reading, sharing, curating and subverting books to expand the definition of normal

I just finished reading Lac Su’s memoir, "I Love Yous are for White People," a story about growing up poor and Vietnamese American in Los Angeles dodging gangs, alcohol and an abusive father. It was a tough read but a sobering reminder that many Asian Americans do not fit neatly into the model minority stereotype.   Now I am reading Bich Minh Nguyen’s memoir, "Stealing Buddah’s Dinner," last year’s Michigan Humanities Council’s Great Michigan Read, about growing up Vietnamese American in suburban Grand Rapids and her fixation on American food.  Read more »

So what’s the big deal about sleepovers, anyhow?

On my 16th birthday, a blond classmate was shocked to discover that I would not also, automatically, be allowed to date.   “But it’s a Constitutional right that you are allowed to date when you turn 16.”   The other three Asian American girls in my class and I all looked at each other. None of us were allowed to date until college.  Read more »

Living in harmony in a great world house on Martin Luther King Day

In Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s Nobel Peace Prize lecture, given in 1964, he talks about the idea of a house, "We have inherited a big house, a great world house in which we have to live together--black and white, Easterners and Westerners, Gentiles and Jews, Catholics and Protestants, Moslem and Hindu, a family unduly separated in ideas, culture, and interests who, because we can never again live without each other, must learn, somehow, in this one big world, to live with each other.  Read more »

Is Christmas any less Christian if you put up a Bodhi Day tree?

One of my daughter's Jewish friends from preschool once said that she liked coming to our house this time of year because we were the only other people who did not have a Christmas tree, either. Her mother described the conflict her child felt at school having to do Christmas-themed art projects such as decorating trees, which, regardless of what you call them, are still Christmas trees.  Read more »

Introduction to Adventures in Multicultural Living: The Project Explained

It all started when my husband first asked me to marry him. I said, "Under one condition, that we never live in the Midwest." I knew from experience how hard it can be to grow up as a minority, and I knew I wanted my children to grow up on the West coast or in Asia so that they would not have to grow up as minorities, and so that they would not always be "the only one.  Read more »
Red Tricyle Winner!

Ask a Linguist

Can my daughter still learn a language with a speech delay?

Real Intercultural Family: Carmen and Whitney

This trilingual family offers some truly awesome advice we all can benefit from.

Best Asian-American Children’s Books

Celebrate Asian-American heritage month with our top book picks

Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe

Your new go-to soup recipe

"Mom I Think I'm Gay:" Are You as Prepared as You Think?

7 tips to make sure you don't blow it

How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8

Why colorblind is all wrong and a guide to what's right

Mother's Around the World

Our way of celebrating you!

Fashion in the Arab World

Why I love the abaya

Traveling to Ecuador for Two Months of Immersion

My yearly pilgrimage to my homeland where I no longer feel at home

Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms

Why you shouldn't judge a mom giving coffee to her infant

How Immersion Travel Helped My Kids Progress in Spanish

I couldn’t wait to see how my kids would do with their new Spanish when we got to Mexico.

Preparing our Children for Racism — Part 1

Important tips for parents and kids of all colors

Speak Up for the Animals, Mama! A Vegetarian in Africa

Foregoing meat in a land where no one does

7 Tips for Parents with Inflexible Travelers

What to do when your child doesn't love travel like you do.

The Sleep Habits of Orphans

This mom never knows how she'll find her kids in the morning

My Native Son’s Search for Identity

How he began to find his heritage

Kids Playing Around the World

See the magic and universality of play

Gluten-Free Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

Almost sinful, a crowd and kid pleasing cookie for any occasion.

Why OPOL Doesn't Always Work

Six years of OPOL parenting in hindsight

Teaching My Child to Find Spirituality in Nature

Why it's important to this mom that her daughter respect her home and roots in nature

How Community Gardens Help Kids Become Good Global Citizens

What's super cool about community gardening with your kids

Become a Guerrilla Gardener with Your Kids

All you need is some eggs, dirt and seeds.

A Children’s Story Set in India: Bijoy and the Big River

One answer to all the British stories Indian children grew up with.

Ridvan: April 21 – May 2

A 12-day Baha'i celebration born in Baghdad

Why Arabic is Dead and Spanish is Alive for My Kids

Even though Arabic is the language they were raised in, they prefer Spanish. Here's why.

How to Make Recycled Instruments to Celebrate the Earth

Four super-simple musical projects from recycled materials for your kids

Taking in the View of Tulum, Mexico

Does it get any better than that?

5 Fun Ways to Celebrate Earth Day with Your Kids

Make a commitment to do something new this year for our planet

When Language Immersion Doesn’t Come Easy

People say kids are sponges when it comes to language. This mom disagrees.

5 Games to Get Your Bilingual Child Talking

Make learning the minority language fun with these games

How I Reclaimed My House from My Mother-in-Law

A whole year of arguing in the making

8 Tips for Encouraging Bilingualism in Different Personality Types

Great ideas for introverted and extroverted children

How African Moms Can Teach You To Be a Better Parent

What I learned about keeping my cool from Kenyan moms
[...] “I have an Olive Tree” [.....
From Multicultural Book Review: I Have an Olive Tree
[...] “Catch That Goat” [.....
From Children’s Books that Travel to Africa
Hi Sweetheart, I hope you get these comments. I rarely have time to read these delicous descriptions I enjoy so much and find so meaningful, maybe it could be a book? Anyway thank you for writing...
From Homeschooling in Myanmar: Visiting Bagan
I am so excited to try this! My kids love lentils (they call them baby beans) and I am always looking for more recipes....
From Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe
How many people does this recipe serve? Do you know when the earliest record of people making dal i...
From Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe
Hello All I am Australian and have travelled to quite a few countries and loved the cultures and experiences of every one....except Germany and, in particular, Berlin. We stayed there for two day...
From Are Germans Really Rude?
Wonderful article! We are all different races and colors in our house, with varying curliness- I loved your suggestions:...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
Great tips, and great book recommendations! Another title that we like is Shades of People (http://bit.ly/16AflfQ). Also, a great leaning activity for us (white parents + Black son) was getting ...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
Only in the US. why make sth simple so complicate...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
[...] and not just the books that tell stories around racism, though those are important too. It is essential that your child sees characters of all races in “every day” books, experiencing rel...
From Ten Reasons Parents Should Read Multicultural Books to Kids
As a mother of a multiracial child I really enjoyed reading this guest post. I have already made a list of the books she suggested, and I'd like to add a few more that we personally own: Whoever Yo...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
This is brilliant! Thank you for this very informative article! I've used several of the books you mention with my children, as they asked since an early age why their friend(s) had "such curly hair...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
Very informative and interesting article. I will definitely be using some of these ideas when my daughter is old enough to understand things. I like the book recommendations and will be looking into...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
[...] being a white kindergarten teacher and mother of two biracial daughters. I’ve thought a lot about how to lead developmentally appropriate conversations about race with my students and my chi...
From How to Teach Kids about Race and Social Justice: One Teacher’s Approach
[...] Der findes kulturer, hvor børn ammes til de ikke vil det længere – se denne artikel: http://www.incultureparent.com/2011/02/breastfeeding-land-genghis-khan [.....
From Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan
I was in the same situation! I ended getting a Cantonese tutor and setting up a Cantonese playgroup so my son could get better Cantonese exposure. Feel free to contact me on info@playcantonese.com i...
From Do I teach my child my native language even though I am not fluent?
Great to see someone say, it is ok to switc...
From Do I teach my child my native language even though I am not fluent?
I encountered this article by chance. I wasn't searching for this type of parenting advice, but I am so glad I found it. This is extremely non-traditional, and having grown up in a more traditional ...
From A Buddhist Approach to Sex and Your Teenager
Wonderful post! It is so hard to switch out of the flexible, explore as we go mode we had before we had kids to having to plan much more ahead of time, but it really can help. Thanks for the tip...
From 7 Tips for Parents with Inflexible Travelers
Great essay, Michelle. You're wise to have discussed some of these culturally-biased preferences BEFORE your child arrived. In my case, I was so excited about being pregnant that I never considered ...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
Great column. I live in Senegal. I got tired of a sore back using the "ergonomic" baby bjorn and decided to tie my baby on my back like the Senegalese do. What a difference! I can finally stand up s...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
I think it's a cool concept this idea of a third culture, but in my Colombian-American household we've taken a kind of different approach to our dueling cultural backgrounds. We just explain to our ...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
[...] a lantern/Deepan tutorial for you to celebrate and decorate your home with Janmashtami [.....
From Diwali Craft: Make a Lantern
[...]  Board Games from around the world [.....
From 5 Board Games from Around the World
[...] Want more on parenting approaches worldwide? Check out what cross-cultural parenting is like in Kenya. [.....
From Parenting in Kenya: What It Takes a Village Really Means
[...] few days ago an article I wrote appeared on InCultureParent, a great online resource and link for parents [.....
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
[...] I wear the abaya, during Ramadan for family gatherings as well as the complicated tobe, since I am married into the culture. It’s feminine and girlish fun, reminding me of dress-up games as ...
From Almost African: My Childhood as a Serbo-Croatian in Sudan
[...] road, a French bakery and an internet café nearby. It’s been a gift to have this opportunity to experience a beautiful culture as it was and see glimpses of how it will be. It’s a very in...
From Traveling to Myanmar with Kids
[...] To read more about Chandra’s global homeschool adventure, see her post Around the World in One Semester. [.....
From Around the World in One Semester
Hallo Jan I came across your article as I typed in a phrase to get to understand why I am constantly surrounded with people who are unfriendly and in a bad mood in Berlin, where I am temporarily ...
From Are Germans Really Rude?
My experience is different. My grandmother only ever spoke German and taught me to read and write in German as well. I also learned farsi from close family friends because of my immersion abilitie...
From Perfect Bilingualism: Does it Exist?
(And as a side note, if you want to shut someone up, just quote one (of many) benefits of bilingualism: it recently was found that it can protect the brain from developing Alzheimer's :) Here are tw...
From 10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Multilingual Children
Hi Olga, I am raising a trilingual boy (Dutch, Italian, English) in the US and also here, mostly postive comments. The negative ones I've heard all came from Dutch family friends..! My profession is...
From 10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Multilingual Children
Thank you, Olga. I think you're right on-- both ways work indee...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
Meerna, thank you for your kind words. It's true huh...one is not superior, just different. I have a feeling our mother-in-laws would get along :...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
Thank you so much for your articles. I am falling of the wagon too and just try to climb back on over and over again and it's reassuring to hear that it also happens to other parents. I try to speak...
From Falling off the OPOL Wagon
Love this article! Finally someone who says: "we have our way and their have their ways, and both of these ways work". Thank yo...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
I loved that you chose to write about this and with such clarity! I strongly believe that every cultural practice has a reasoning and justification. One is not superior than the other, they are just...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
[...] Kai-Hwa Wang also writes about her daughter’s experience with that same taunt. In her article Preparing Our Children For Racism, Part I,  she outlines concrete steps parents can take t...
From Preparing our Children for Racism — Part 1
[...] The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends mothers exclusively breastfeed infants for their first six months to achieve optimal growth, development and health, yet globally less than 40% o...
From Breastfeeding in Jordan