Everything is Possible: Secrets from an African Mama

Thursday, May 2nd, 2013

Speak Up for the Animals, Mama! A Vegetarian in Africa

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Speak Up for the Animals, Mama! A Vegetarian in Africa
It is an argument used by parents of picky eaters the world over: think of the starving children in Africa. But in Kenya where those starving children can be found on your doorstep, such admonishment applies to nearly anyone with a self-imposed dietary restriction. For instance when I tell people that I am a vegetarian they assume it must be for medical reasons. Why else would an African woman who can afford to eat meat blankly refuse what so many of her compatriots don’t have the luxury to turn down?   I grew up surrounded by animals both of the domestic and the ‘wild’ variety.  Read more »

Why Being a Working Mother is Better

In Nairobi, working mothers are the norm, regardless of social background.  Read more »

The African Children’s Fire: Why There is No “Child-Friendly” in Kenya

The children's fire was a reminder of the promise: “No law, no action of any kind, shall be taken that will harm the children.  Read more »

Why African Time is Best for Children

“Haraka, Haraka Haina Baraka.” (Rushing, rushing gives no blessings) –Kenyan Proverb There are many jokes about African timekeeping.  Read more »

10 Tips on Living with Chronic Illness

As I write this piece I am sitting in a health clinic that my daughter and I attend. When we were here yesterday, a woman who suffers from the same condition remarked how badly her mother felt at having passed it on to her (our condition is genetic). Before I had a moment to think, I blurted out that I didn’t feel badly. Don’t get me wrong--I hate seeing my daughter in pain and like any mother I would love to remove the word "suffering" from my child’s life.  Read more »

Why I Don’t Want My Children to Be Happy

I came to Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, and its controversy late. Even though I never had parents who hit me or called me garbage, I could relate to a lot of what Amy Chua had to say. Like Amy Chua, my parent’s held an unfailing belief that I would succeed. The more I read, the more it seemed that her detractors were mainly critical of her certainty, more than anything else.  Read more »

A Kenyan Perspective on the ‘Lost’ Children of Intercultural and Interracial Adoption

A number of years ago I read an article that interviewed adults who had been interculturally and interracially adopted in the 1970s. Though all of the people interviewed appeared to be happy with their adoptive families, they all expressed a sense of loss. They all also talked about the ways in which they had tried to make sense of their identity as adults.  Read more »

Sharing Our Dreams with Our Children

I recently had the opportunity to go to a two-week filmmaking workshop. It meant that for the first time in my daughter’s life (she’s four and a quarter) I was going to be away from her from 9 a.m to 5 p.m. There were many reasons that the workshop was important to me, especially because it would fulfil my childhood dream of having my first short film screened.  Read more »

Mama, What Colour is Me? How My Child Defines Race

Disclaimer: Please note that this piece is not intended to make light of the serious issue of race/ethnicity. Its aim, however, is to explore what happens if we allow ourselves to look at skin colour afresh in the way that children do. I am black. My skin colour may be brown but as far as talking about race or ethnicity or whatever the current politically correct term is—I am black.  Read more »

Developing Social Customs in Young Children

In Kenya, like many other African countries, greetings are incredibly important. Handshaking is customary as are kisses on the cheeks and hugs for people one is closer to. The very least of the greetings is to ask after someone’s news. It is a moment of connection in the day and carries far more weight than just a social pleasantry. Even in busy Nairobi City (unlike upcountry where greetings are an integral part of the social fabric), people will take the time to tell you what is going on and the to and fro of a greeting can be like a social call and response.  Read more »

Top 10 Ways to Party With Your Child

1. Throw a birthday party for them every year: children love to be celebrated. 2. If a party seems daunting you can follow the age rule of thumb: one guest per year of the child’s life. 3. Combine sleepovers with formal adult dinners: the children will love having lots of friends to play with and adults can relax and share the childcare. 4.  Read more »

African Parenting: The Sane Way to Raise Children

There is an oft-quoted African saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Less cited is the second half of the saying, “...and a community to keep the parents sane.” I started my pregnancy in the U.K. but one of the reasons I returned to Kenya—the country of my birth—to raise my daughter was for community. Community in Kenya takes many forms.  Read more »

Do manners really matter? Why I hate making my daughter say please and thank you

I hate having to make my daughter say please and thank you. There, I have said it—does that make me a bad mother? I am also well aware that she will be judged on how she presents herself in public. Most societies place a high value on manners and politeness whether the person is sincere or not, so I find myself repeating the words that no doubt drove me crazy as I was growing up: “What do you say?”, “What’s the magic word?” and so on.  Read more »

Top Ten International Travel Tips with Children

1. Train them to sleep anywhere: This is more of a pre-preparation. Most advice focuses on creating the ideal sleeping environment. While helpful, it doesn’t allow your child the benefit of one of the biggest gifts you can give them for their whole lives—being able to sleep anywhere. This is usually easier if you breastfeed and co-sleep. For handy tips see The African Guide to Co-sleeping.  Read more »

The African Guide to Co-sleeping

Disclaimer: Please note that this article is not about discussing the pros and cons of co-sleeping or to give the myriad forms of evidence that:   (a) A lot more parents co-sleep than admit to it (depending on their societal norms).   (b) Co-sleeping can have lots of health and safety benefits for both parent and child.   This article is to provide practical tips for parents who wish to co-sleep or are already co-sleeping and would like further support for their decision.  Read more »

The Power of Touch

One of the questions I get asked most frequently is, why was it so important to me for my daughter to be born and spend the early part of her life in Kenya? By the time I fell pregnant with my daughter, I was living in the UK and had been living away from Kenya longer than I had lived in Kenya. Although Kenya was home, the UK had also become home. I had a community in the UK, family, friends a house and a business.  Read more »

Why African Toddlers Don’t Have Tantrums

We live in times that are increasingly out of synch with natural rhythms. More often than not we impose our own schedules onto a world that has been governed by natural laws since it began and then wonder at the devastating consequences. Children, especially young children, who are hardwired to follow their instincts illustrate this clash very well.  Read more »

My Daughter’s Initiation Into African Hair Braiding

Just before the New Year, my brother spotted my car in the parking of our local shopping centre. He called to find out where I was and as I was at the hairdressers, he popped in to say hello. My daughter (aged 3 years and 8 months) was sat perched on a couple of cushions in the seat next to mine. She had already been sitting perfectly still for over an hour.  Read more »

Multicultural Art: Learning to Draw Alongside my Daughter

I am not altogether sold on the idea of school. I was before my daughter was born however like so many other aspects of my life, my world view completely shifted with her arrival. My own schooling was entirely conventional: kindergarten, primary, secondary school followed by university and post graduate osteopathy college. In my usual manner, during my pregnancy I had already identified a kindergarten and primary school that I wanted her to attend and then after she arrived something strange happened; I wasn't sure I wanted her to go to school anymore.  Read more »

Why African Babies Don’t Cry

I was born and grew up in Kenya and Cote d'Ivoire. From the age of 15 I lived in the UK. However, I always knew that I wanted to raise my children (whenever I had them) at home in Kenya. And yes, I assumed I was going to have them. I am a modern African woman, with two university degrees, and a fourth generation working woman, but when it comes to children, I am typically African.  Read more »

Four Generations of Multicultural

I am fourth generation multicultural. On my father's side of the family there is a long history of people marrying outside of their tribe. Africa is so often referred to as "Africa" that the rich diversity of tribes and cultures within it can be overlooked. Tribes can be as different in their language, culture and customs as an English person can be from a Hungarian.  Read more »
Red Tricyle Winner!

Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe

Your new go-to soup recipe

"Mom I Think I'm Gay:" Are You as Prepared as You Think?

7 tips to make sure you don't blow it

How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8

Why colorblind is all wrong and a guide to what's right

Ask a Linguist

I only have rudimentary fluency. Will that do my child any good?

Mother's Around the World

Our way of celebrating you!

Fashion in the Arab World

Why I love the abaya

Traveling to Ecuador for Two Months of Immersion

My yearly pilgrimage to my homeland where I no longer feel at home

Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms

Why you shouldn't judge a mom giving coffee to her infant

How Immersion Travel Helped My Kids Progress in Spanish

I couldn’t wait to see how my kids would do with their new Spanish when we got to Mexico.

Preparing our Children for Racism — Part 1

Important tips for parents and kids of all colors

Speak Up for the Animals, Mama! A Vegetarian in Africa

Foregoing meat in a land where no one does

7 Tips for Parents with Inflexible Travelers

What to do when your child doesn't love travel like you do.

The Sleep Habits of Orphans

This mom never knows how she'll find her kids in the morning

My Native Son’s Search for Identity

How he began to find his heritage

Kids Playing Around the World

See the magic and universality of play

Gluten-Free Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

Almost sinful, a crowd and kid pleasing cookie for any occasion.

Why OPOL Doesn't Always Work

Six years of OPOL parenting in hindsight

Teaching My Child to Find Spirituality in Nature

Why it's important to this mom that her daughter respect her home and roots in nature

How Community Gardens Help Kids Become Good Global Citizens

What's super cool about community gardening with your kids

Become a Guerrilla Gardener with Your Kids

All you need is some eggs, dirt and seeds.

A Children’s Story Set in India: Bijoy and the Big River

One answer to all the British stories Indian children grew up with.

Ridvan: April 21 – May 2

A 12-day Baha'i celebration born in Baghdad

Why Arabic is Dead and Spanish is Alive for My Kids

Even though Arabic is the language they were raised in, they prefer Spanish. Here's why.

How to Make Recycled Instruments to Celebrate the Earth

Four super-simple musical projects from recycled materials for your kids

Taking in the View of Tulum, Mexico

Does it get any better than that?

5 Fun Ways to Celebrate Earth Day with Your Kids

Make a commitment to do something new this year for our planet

When Language Immersion Doesn’t Come Easy

People say kids are sponges when it comes to language. This mom disagrees.

5 Games to Get Your Bilingual Child Talking

Make learning the minority language fun with these games

How I Reclaimed My House from My Mother-in-Law

A whole year of arguing in the making

8 Tips for Encouraging Bilingualism in Different Personality Types

Great ideas for introverted and extroverted children

How African Moms Can Teach You To Be a Better Parent

What I learned about keeping my cool from Kenyan moms

Traveling to Myanmar with Kids

Our next stop in our global homeschool adventure

How to Fail at a Passover Seder

A Rabbi shares his own failures

Vaisakhi (Bhaisakhi): April 14

The Sikh faith is founded on the principles of courage, sacrifice and equality. Find out why.
Hello All I am Australian and have travelled to quite a few countries and loved the cultures and experiences of every one....except Germany and, in particular, Berlin. We stayed there for two day...
From Are Germans Really Rude?
Wonderful article! We are all different races and colors in our house, with varying curliness- I loved your suggestions:...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
Great tips, and great book recommendations! Another title that we like is Shades of People (http://bit.ly/16AflfQ). Also, a great leaning activity for us (white parents + Black son) was getting ...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
Only in the US. why make sth simple so complicate...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
[...] and not just the books that tell stories around racism, though those are important too. It is essential that your child sees characters of all races in “every day” books, experiencing rel...
From Ten Reasons Parents Should Read Multicultural Books to Kids
As a mother of a multiracial child I really enjoyed reading this guest post. I have already made a list of the books she suggested, and I'd like to add a few more that we personally own: Whoever Yo...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
This is brilliant! Thank you for this very informative article! I've used several of the books you mention with my children, as they asked since an early age why their friend(s) had "such curly hair...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
Very informative and interesting article. I will definitely be using some of these ideas when my daughter is old enough to understand things. I like the book recommendations and will be looking into...
From How to Talk to Kids About Race: What’s Appropriate for Ages 3-8
[...] being a white kindergarten teacher and mother of two biracial daughters. I’ve thought a lot about how to lead developmentally appropriate conversations about race with my students and my chi...
From How to Teach Kids about Race and Social Justice: One Teacher’s Approach
[...] Der findes kulturer, hvor børn ammes til de ikke vil det længere – se denne artikel: http://www.incultureparent.com/2011/02/breastfeeding-land-genghis-khan [.....
From Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan
I was in the same situation! I ended getting a Cantonese tutor and setting up a Cantonese playgroup so my son could get better Cantonese exposure. Feel free to contact me on info@playcantonese.com i...
From Do I teach my child my native language even though I am not fluent?
Great to see someone say, it is ok to switc...
From Do I teach my child my native language even though I am not fluent?
I encountered this article by chance. I wasn't searching for this type of parenting advice, but I am so glad I found it. This is extremely non-traditional, and having grown up in a more traditional ...
From A Buddhist Approach to Sex and Your Teenager
Wonderful post! It is so hard to switch out of the flexible, explore as we go mode we had before we had kids to having to plan much more ahead of time, but it really can help. Thanks for the tip...
From 7 Tips for Parents with Inflexible Travelers
Great essay, Michelle. You're wise to have discussed some of these culturally-biased preferences BEFORE your child arrived. In my case, I was so excited about being pregnant that I never considered ...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
Great column. I live in Senegal. I got tired of a sore back using the "ergonomic" baby bjorn and decided to tie my baby on my back like the Senegalese do. What a difference! I can finally stand up s...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
I think it's a cool concept this idea of a third culture, but in my Colombian-American household we've taken a kind of different approach to our dueling cultural backgrounds. We just explain to our ...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
[...] a lantern/Deepan tutorial for you to celebrate and decorate your home with Janmashtami [.....
From Diwali Craft: Make a Lantern
[...]  Board Games from around the world [.....
From 5 Board Games from Around the World
[...] Want more on parenting approaches worldwide? Check out what cross-cultural parenting is like in Kenya. [.....
From Parenting in Kenya: What It Takes a Village Really Means
[...] few days ago an article I wrote appeared on InCultureParent, a great online resource and link for parents [.....
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
[...] I wear the abaya, during Ramadan for family gatherings as well as the complicated tobe, since I am married into the culture. It’s feminine and girlish fun, reminding me of dress-up games as ...
From Almost African: My Childhood as a Serbo-Croatian in Sudan
[...] road, a French bakery and an internet café nearby. It’s been a gift to have this opportunity to experience a beautiful culture as it was and see glimpses of how it will be. It’s a very in...
From Traveling to Myanmar with Kids
[...] To read more about Chandra’s global homeschool adventure, see her post Around the World in One Semester. [.....
From Around the World in One Semester
Hallo Jan I came across your article as I typed in a phrase to get to understand why I am constantly surrounded with people who are unfriendly and in a bad mood in Berlin, where I am temporarily ...
From Are Germans Really Rude?
My experience is different. My grandmother only ever spoke German and taught me to read and write in German as well. I also learned farsi from close family friends because of my immersion abilitie...
From Perfect Bilingualism: Does it Exist?
(And as a side note, if you want to shut someone up, just quote one (of many) benefits of bilingualism: it recently was found that it can protect the brain from developing Alzheimer's :) Here are tw...
From 10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Multilingual Children
Hi Olga, I am raising a trilingual boy (Dutch, Italian, English) in the US and also here, mostly postive comments. The negative ones I've heard all came from Dutch family friends..! My profession is...
From 10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Multilingual Children
Thank you, Olga. I think you're right on-- both ways work indee...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
Meerna, thank you for your kind words. It's true huh...one is not superior, just different. I have a feeling our mother-in-laws would get along :...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
Thank you so much for your articles. I am falling of the wagon too and just try to climb back on over and over again and it's reassuring to hear that it also happens to other parents. I try to speak...
From Falling off the OPOL Wagon
Love this article! Finally someone who says: "we have our way and their have their ways, and both of these ways work". Thank yo...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
I loved that you chose to write about this and with such clarity! I strongly believe that every cultural practice has a reasoning and justification. One is not superior than the other, they are just...
From Cross-Cultural Parenting in Guatemala: Rethinking Cultural Norms
[...] Kai-Hwa Wang also writes about her daughter’s experience with that same taunt. In her article Preparing Our Children For Racism, Part I,  she outlines concrete steps parents can take t...
From Preparing our Children for Racism — Part 1
[...] The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends mothers exclusively breastfeed infants for their first six months to achieve optimal growth, development and health, yet globally less than 40% o...
From Breastfeeding in Jordan
[...] Their ease with experimenting with the Spanish they know, and their ability to understand some of what was going on around them, also reassures me in relation to their Arabic. Since they speak...
From Why Do You Speak Arabic, Baba?
Thanks so much for your comments! Yay for PR for 2 weeks Frances! I was amazed at what just 10 days did. Hope you have a fantastic trip!! Thanks for the recommendation Lillian. The buhos were put to...
From How Immersion Travel Helped My Kids Progress in Spanish
Thank you for another beautiful truth. I am still breastfeeding my 18 month old daughter and it feels as natural as breathing. I do get odd looks and raised eyebrows but I couldn't ever let that swa...
From Why African Toddlers Don’t Have Tantrums
Brilliant!!! Love to hear the cultural perspective! Hmmm... might be more willing to let my three year old at it more often! Tandem feeding with her little sister, I go bonkers sometime...
From Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan
I love to hear about the progress your kids have made with Spanish. I am sure they will be fluent speakers with a little more practice. I recommend reading them stories for bedtime in Spanish. Or ge...
From How Immersion Travel Helped My Kids Progress in Spanish