Tradition and Parenting

Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013

Teaching My Child to Find Spirituality in Nature

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Teaching My Child to Find Spirituality in Nature
The past four years feel like a whirl of change with pregnancy, birth and learning how to be a mother. It has been a time of discovery as, little by little, I learn who this beautiful child is that with whom the Creator has graced me. Before Amrita was born, I would often reflect on what kind of mother I felt I naturally was and what kind of mother I would strive to be. Then, once Amrita was born, I was thrown into a storm of diapers and night feeding as I attempted to navigate my way through this new and uncharted land, bleary-eyed, yet elated.  Read more »

Columns on Tradition

The Religious Life of Children



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My Passover seder was a failure. On the first two nights of Passover (or the first night if you live in Israel), Jews all over the world gather in homes for highly ritualized meals called seders.  Read more »

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Korean Children’s Day: May 5
Children’s Day is a South Korean national holiday celebrating, you guessed right, children.  Read more »

My Chinese New Year: Welcoming the Year of the Snake

As a first generation American, you always watched other families sitting around a Christmas tree or carving a turkey, consoled by watching reruns of “It’s a Wonderful Life.” But Chinese New Year—that was different. That was my holiday, the one that made waking up early exciting, slowly lulled awake by the smells of burning incense, and the 10 special dishes my mom prepared, dishes with names that alluded to prosperity and luck.  Read more »

How We Honor Christmas When We’re Not Christian

Please note that the essay below contains the opinions of one individual Baha'i and does not represent an official Baha'i position on the Christmas holiday, only the musings of one person based on her own understanding of the teachings of the Baha'i Faith.   Beautiful carols, gingerbread cookies fresh from the oven, glittering lights, and reindeer sleighs--what's not to love about Christmas?   Yet for the many families who practice faiths other than Christianity, this beautiful holiday can be the source of as much angst as joy.  Read more »

The Secrets of Raising an Enlightened Teen—Part IV

In this final installment of the series, I would like to address the Buddhist teaching on the last stage of early human conditioning, from the teenage years into the early twenties. What makes writing this article particularly poignant is that my own beloved son has just turned 20.   According to our Buddhist tradition, this stage represents the final aggregate of foundational conditioning.  Read more »

Celebrating Diwali Outside India

Growing up in India, Diwali, or Deepawali, meaning festival of lights, was the most anticipated day of the year. Diwali meant new clothes, lots of delicious treats, lighting lamps/lights, setting off a gazillion fireworks, a sparklingly clean home and vacation from school that lasted around 10 days.   There are multiple religious stories that signify the origin of Diwali.  Read more »

A Buddhist Approach to Sex and Your Teenager

If we are honest, as parents we would all probably like to see our children join a monastery and be celibate until they are older and more mature! How many of us can forget the turbulent early years of trying to negotiate our own sexual terrain? In this article, I would like to introduce a mindful approach to sexuality and parenting. Evolution created our desire to procreate and then made the experience pleasurable.  Read more »

Engaging the Spirituality of a Teenager

My daughter’s first year of high school was coming to an end, and we both needed a weekend away to restore body, mind and soul. I thought about renting a cottage on the nearby Maine coast or getting away to a spa I had heard about. But my teenage daughter’s response to both options was less than enthusiastic. “It’ll be too cold by the ocean!” and “Why go to a spa? There is nothing to do there.  Read more »

Buddhist Insights into Raising a Balanced Teenager

For a parent, the teenage years are probably the most daunting of all. Many of us find it easy to fall into a loose form of cognitive dissonance with our child, a sort of “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. Or we become alienated by the deep yearning for independence that our beloved so obviously feels at this stage. I am happy to report that this does not have to happen; there is, as we Buddhists are fond of saying, “a Middle Way.  Read more »

Raising a Hijab-Wearing Daughter in a World that Doesn’t Understand

When she turned 15, my daughter announced her intention to start wearing the hijab (Muslim head scarf). At the time, we had been living in Qatar for nine years and upon our arrival in Dubai she donned her first veil. Nothing prepared me for the deluge of feelings that followed. Her soft cheeks, her doe shaped eyes and a perfect nose used to be encircled by a halo of dark brown hair that I tended to lovingly while she was younger.  Read more »

What’s Easter without a Whipping?

This year I saw a different side of the age-old Czech tradition of whipping. Although I've been on the receiving end of the Czech pomlázka tradition (an Eastern European Easter tradition where a whip made from braided pussy willow twigs is used by men to swat girls and women), the gentle swats I've gotten from my husband's family always seem a gesture of hospitality and a matter of custom--never a whipping, in the physical sense.  Read more »

Growing Up Baha’i in Rural Maine: A Not-so-Secret Double Life

My daughter seemed ill at ease in her first grade classroom. We had recently moved to the town in which we have now lived for more than a decade, a university town in the northern part of one of the most culturally homogeneous states in the union—Maine. It was Christmas time, and the children were singing carols, none of which my daughter knew. “Christmas is for Christians” read a sign posted in front of one of the frat houses on campus.  Read more »

Celebrating a Holiday You Probably Haven’t Heard Of

Despite volumes of parenting advice and research, which seem to have multiplied over the past generation and get revised annually, when it comes to the day-to-day labor of love of raising our children, most parents do what their parents and parents’ parents did before: go with our gut. In other words, we make a lot of it up as we go along. Depending on our life circumstances and cultural milieu, we invent different things.  Read more »

Birth, Loss and In Between

Since I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a mother. Throughout my adult life, it was the moment I most anticipated. When I finally fell pregnant, it was a surprise, one my husband and I welcomed. At 20 weeks, we found out that our son had a heart defect. We were devastated. Doctors said it may be a marker for some major genetic disorder. We spoke to a genetic counselor, who spent most of her time trying to convince us to terminate the pregnancy.  Read more »

Postpartum in China—Confinement or Luxury?

My partner, Guo Jian, has been priming me for the “moon month” or zuo yuezi 坐月子. When my in-laws were here a couple of weeks ago (the precursor to their more permanent visit before the baby’s arrival) and we were downstairs helping to unload the car, a perfect stranger noticed my advanced pregnant shape, the presence of parental figures and Guo Jian and I helping them with their things.  Read more »

Why Kids Need the Scary Stuff Too

Three years ago, my husband and I adopted two children--an African-American daughter and a Korean son--over a period of just seventeen months. During one of our adoption homestudy visits, I remember scrambling to move a large framed print of a green devil from view in our TV room. Yet, the framed Korean mask dance figures which appeared far scarier to me at the time, remained on display.  Read more »

Why I Don’t Want My Children to Be Happy

I came to Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, and its controversy late. Even though I never had parents who hit me or called me garbage, I could relate to a lot of what Amy Chua had to say. Like Amy Chua, my parent’s held an unfailing belief that I would succeed. The more I read, the more it seemed that her detractors were mainly critical of her certainty, more than anything else.  Read more »

A Few Drops Outside the Tribe

Although I have a diverse cultural background, I have always identified myself as a proud Native American woman. My family is from the Pueblo of Isleta, just south of Albuquerque, New Mexico. My grandfather was born and raised in Isleta, speaking our native language of Tiwa before learning English. I am blessed with the dark, striking features of my mother, features which identify me as Native.  Read more »

Teaching my Muslim Son about 9/11

My eldest is fascinated by comparisons of the largest tsunamis or most populated cities in the world. One night at the dinner table, he asks, “Mama, what is the tallest building in New York City?” I look at him and hesitate, “Well, umm, it used to be these two buildings called the Twin Towers…” I can see his eyes transfixed on me as he sees the caveat coming.  Read more »

Giving Birth Naturally in Hong Kong, the Land of the Lucky

In a country where women routinely consult the Chinese zodiac to determine the most auspicious date for the caesarean delivery of their babies, I was preparing for a natural childbirth in a private English hospital on the top of Hong Kong’s highest mountain in the days just after the British handover of the colony to China. The handover had taken place in July, but in September, the lights from the handover celebration that drew millions and was watched on television all over the world, still bathed the city in brilliance.  Read more »

African Parenting: The Sane Way to Raise Children

There is an oft-quoted African saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Less cited is the second half of the saying, “...and a community to keep the parents sane.” I started my pregnancy in the U.K. but one of the reasons I returned to Kenya—the country of my birth—to raise my daughter was for community. Community in Kenya takes many forms.  Read more »

How Do You Explain God to Kids?

I remember when I first showed my son an illustrated Bhagavad Gita—Our Most Dear Friend by Visakha. He was two years old and was too young for the text, but we gazed at the pictures together while sitting in our sunny living room as the fireplace warmed our feet. There were pictures of the Kurukshetra (the epic battle in the Mahabharata that was the impetus for the Gita), of Lord Krishna and of many beautiful things in nature, such as swans, peacocks, butterflies and lotuses.  Read more »

Identity Confusion: An Israeli Mom in NYC

In Israel almost everyone is Jewish, except of course for the Arabs with whom Jews rarely interact. As a Jew, if you decide to marry outside your religion or even do something as minor as celebrate a non-Jewish holiday in your own home, you experience a sense of betrayal. Betrayal of your land, your family and your supposed identity. But is religion really who we are? Or is it only a part of who we become after we taste and experience the world with openness and love.  Read more »

Burqas, Miniskirts and Sex: My Childhood in Saudi and Egypt

I remember my early childhood, growing up in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA), as disturbing. Forced to cover my body in black from head to toe in the morning to go to school and then changing into a miniskirt to go out in the evenings was the source of much confusion for an eight-year-old girl. It was not at all easy for an Egyptian, moderate Muslim family to cope with the restrictions imposed in Saudi Arabia.  Read more »

Raised Under the Armenian Evil Eye

Growing up in a traditional Armenian home in Southern California, we had many superstitions and rituals. My mother was and still is the queen of superstition. Here are just a few of the many superstitions we followed:   • No whistling especially at night or evil spirits will come. • No cutting your nails at night. This will shorten your life.  Read more »

What’s in a Ritual? Should it be Through Your Faith or Mine?

We are religious in the sense that my husband, Marvin, and I believe in a higher entity - God/Allah - that connects all of us. But we struggle as parents to maintain a spiritually connected family and follow rituals that do not contradict the values we care about. Underpinning religion is a set of values that organizes your life. Values can be derived from a formal religion but not necessarily.  Read more »

Baby-Making the Hindu Way

I had my parents quite nervous about whether or not I would ever get married and have a family. No one was quite sure when I would run off to the Himalayas and I know there was some heavy betting going on with high odds that I was going to do just that. Well, I am glad I didn't run off, as there was never any need to and I am glad I decided to get married and make babies.  Read more »

Circumcision Wars

Multicultural marriages are sometimes hard, sometimes war, sometimes sweet and sometimes exciting, but one thing is for sure—multicultural marriages are more tiring than marriages between people from one culture because you have to spend more energy understanding and sometimes adopting, or in my case fighting, a new set of customs and beliefs. What is more, when children come into the picture, multicultural marriages can become even more complicated in deciding whose set of beliefs the child will adopt.  Read more »
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From 10 Tips for Starting a Family Yoga Practice
I just read this post since I was trying to see if someone had written something about breastfeeding an 18 month old. My son suddenly stopped drinking any other milk other than mine - feels like he ...
From Why African Toddlers Don’t Have Tantrums
I am from India, but live in the US and we have a similar culture like the moon-month. When my MIL was here for about 5 months during my sons birth, I had the same problem (or excellent service, if ...
From How My Chinese Mother-in-Law Replaced my Husband
[...] have previously written about how I would rather my daughter only say thank you and please from the heart, rather than because of societal enforced politeness. Well, I lost that battle and I h...
From Do manners really matter? Why I hate making my daughter say please and thank you
Thanks for sharing this experience. I have lived something similar to this maybe my experience can bring up some new elements. My father is from Bahrain and my mother is originally from Morocco, ...
From How Bilingualism Can Fail in Multilingual Families
[...] I have a little obsession with maps and globes. This was my latest find I loved from a seller on etsy! Here’s a bunch of others maps that would be fun in a child’s room: http://...
From 10 Best World Maps for Your Children’s Room
I am an American living and married to a German for over 13 years. Yes, they are a rude group, so rude to include my soon to be ex husband, that I can not take it any more and am ready to get out of...
From Are Germans Really Rude?
[...] See on www.incultureparent.com [.....
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hello Jan, I am living in Germany since last 4 years now and i feel sorry to say that i cant agree with you more.... there are so many nice and positive sides of Germany that i absolutely love.. ho...
From Are Germans Really Rude?
Can you please recommend some Hindi children's books or a resource list of Hindi books? Thank yo...
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I love Giselle's blog and it has inspired me to start practicing yoga with my daughters. So much fun! Thanks for these great tip...
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[...] Japanese onigiri. These are hands down one of my kids all time favorite [.....
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[...] Brazilian Pão de Queijo (cheese [.....
From Carnival Recipe: Pao de Queijo (Brazilian Cheese Bread)
Great article. Thanks. Check out these guys http://grassrootsplay.com/ They're a British company and do some really inspiring natural stuf...
From Top 10 Most Imaginative Playgrounds Around the World
[...] children to speak the minority language isn’t always easy. You may encounter resistance or face kids who understand the minority language but prefer to speak in the majority language. To boo...
From How Bilingualism Can Fail in Multilingual Families
[...] your children to speak the minority language isn’t always easy. You may encounter resistance or face kids who understand the minority language but prefer to speak in the majority language. T...
From Help! My Bilingual Child Won’t Speak My Language
This is great! I would love to give my son a third language. I may just have to work on that... :) Je...
From Real Intercultural Family: Carmen and Whitney
What a journey! My kids really miss their dad when we aren't with him, even when we are doing something fun and exoti...
From Thailand Solo with Two Kids: Where Homesickness Set In
[...] them courage by trying something new.  If your child has already been exposed to another language, immersion travel – and particularly connecting with other kids – can give a trem...
From How Immersion Travel Helped My Kids Progress in Spanish
Hi Jeffrey! Mexico is such a fantastic country. That's great your parents were able to go and realize their stereotype wasn't valid. I have to work on getting mine to go to Morocco :) Un saludo, S...
From Our Trip to Mexico: Drugs, Cartels and Violence?
Great article! My wife is from Mexico and we just went there for a week and took my parents from North Dakota. They were expecting drug cartels, violence, and decapitations however they were pleasan...
From Our Trip to Mexico: Drugs, Cartels and Violence?
[...] up in my newsfeed, reposted from like ALL the parenting pages I was following. It was called “Why African Babies Don’t Cry“. I read the article, thinking it might give me som...
From Why African Babies Don’t Cry
Thanks so much for both of your comments. Let me know if any of those work out on the plane and for how many minutes Cordelia! The plane is always a game of how many minutes an activity can last, ri...
From 5 Games to Get Your Bilingual Child Talking
Love these. And of course have my head in hands on how what took me an entire post to write, you managed to include in a couple of perfectly succinct sentences. LOL. Definitely going on my list of p...
From 5 Games to Get Your Bilingual Child Talking
Great, thoughtful article! Thank you for sharing your family's experienc...
From “Mom I Think I’m Gay:” Are You as Prepared as You Think?
Wow Carmen, I so needed to read this today. I do battle daily living in North America and trying to connect my kids to their Moroccan father's culture. As we prepare to relocate to Morocco in a fe...
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[...] year I go on a two-month pilgrimage from San Francisco to Quito, Ecuador with my two kids, ages nine and five, so they can practice Spanish and get immersed back into my culture. I’m [.....
From Traveling to Ecuador for Two Months of Immersion
It sounds like she jumbled up some words and its hard to make out what she is saying but it is definitely suppose to be Korea...
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Looking forward to learning more about how a Mexican displaced in her own country eventually makes a home in it for herself...
From Yogi in the Mexican Desert
Hi, I love your blog posts and can't thank you enough for sharing your sharp insights in such warm and elegantly written posts. As a first-time mom, I read much about the benefits of African tra...
From Why African Toddlers Don’t Have Tantrums
What a great resource! This is already bookmarked and I'm definitely going to come back to it again. I'm soon moving back to the UK where I'll need every trick, tip and game up my sleeve to keep Chi...
From 5 Games to Get Your Bilingual Child Talking
Thank you so much for this! It is a rare perspective. We too try hard to bring our son's culture into our home - art, food, Amharic classes, friends, etc. - but I am constantly reminded that so mu...
From Is it Possible to be Too Multicultural?
Hola! I've been following your site for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Dallas Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the good job! I enjoyed th...
From Why African Babies Don’t Cry
[...] Try this delicious curry red lentil soup to introduce your kids to bursts of [.....
From Best Curried Red Lentil Soup Recipe
It sure isn't easy but it is worth it if it's a good fit. We actually live in Berkeley, CA. Good luc...
From Homeschooling on the Road
Thanks Gena, glad you are enjoying the...
From Homeschooling in Myanmar: Visiting Bagan
"Maps for kids" was the search that brought me to your website. But I'm really glad it di...
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From Around the World in One Semester
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